Satan Rides Your Daughter: One Hellish Anthology by HellBound Books

GREETINGS STACK WORMS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, my goddess, it's so good to be 'seeing' you all again!! It's good to be back! I know this year has been rough so far and I'm very sorry that we're all having to deal with Trump, Musk, and the fucking morons that live here in the US with me. FML. 

Anyway, you're not here to read about real-life shit hitting the fan. You're to read a review about a book that you'd like to know my opinion about...hopefully. For all I know, you could be here to gather enough damning evidence to sell me out to our new regime. Which wouldn't be hard honestly. Either way, you're here and that's exactly what I want. So...win-win? lol

Today's review is: Satan Rides Your Daughter: One Hellish Anthology by HellBound Books

Before we get into the review here are a few things about me to help with context about my mindset while reading this book. I am not Christian. I am actually a Pagan who happens to follow the Heathen (Nordic pantheon) path and I like to fashion myself as a world religion scholar. And think if you believe in one god then you should believe in all gods and goddesses. Let's not be exclusive here. This is known as Omnism or the belief in all religions. Now that doesn't make them all good/bad, nor mean that you follow them, but only that you acknowledge them and that your puny humanity isn't threatened by the idea of doing so. 

I'm just such a pleasant person now aren't I? Don't let my personality color your perspective on omnists, I'm not the way I am because of this way of thinking. I'm just me and "me" is a very sardonic person. Now that I've stated all that I'll follw up by saying this, I hate a good portion of the Abrahamic religions which include Judaism, Christianity, and Islam (IF they're being dicks about their beliefs). So, when I first heard about Satan Rides Your Daughter, I was a little worried that it would be "God Compells" this "Repent" that, and yeah some of the stories were like that. But there were also stories written in a more secular tone. Okay good, Okay fine. I've been writing a book playing with the Christian Pantheon myself so I decided why not read it, see how others write about it. See if they use more "culutrally" accepted views on Lucifer, or if they write with more knowledge on the topic.There was some of that too, just not as much as I'd hoped. So, I decided before reading to just think about the aspects of the story. Does it have good writing, characters, cohesiveness, timing, and plot? Instead of getting my panties in a bunch anytime I read "THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU". Thankfully, I don't remember that line being dropped specifically, but I'm talking about the sentiment of the line, not it actually being said.

Anyway, I started this book last year June 4th, if I go off Goodreads. I'm sure you can read between the lines here that I struggled with this book. I guess that's why I gave it the rating I did. I think that's enough of a prologue and I still have to do the trigger warnings. Let's get going. 

SPOILERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Duh...

TRIGGER WARNINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-Lucifer

-Satan

-Demons (Oh my)

-Sex

-Drugs

-Rock n' Roll

-Murder

-Blood

-Feces

-Death

-Destruction

-Chaos

-Alcohol

-Cops (ACAB) 

-Incest 

-Mention of Animal death

-Swearing (grow up)

-Gore

-Torture (mine from reading) (worst reading slump in my life)  

-Child SA/Molestation

-Sexual Assault 

-Abrahamic Religions

-Violence

-Abuse

The Pit and the Basket by L. G. Merrick 

Warren's father brings home a wicker basket from the war. He's told to leave it alone so he does until he starts to choke on a peach pit. Then he makes a deal with the little gremlin in the basket. It will help Warren if he allows it to take him to hell. Warren being a child doesn't want to die so agrees but only bargains for 20 years of survival. When the time comes though Basket (wicker basket gremlin) decides to make another deal with Warren that if he sacrifices someone every year he can continue to live. Which Warren can do indefinitely, seeing as Basket covers up the murders, but how long can Warren hold out? 

I wonder why Basket decided to offer another deal. Maybe they weren't ready to head back to Hell yet, either way, Warren is kind of a moron which is fine for the story. Basket is pretty cool for a demon. Not the norm. Small, practically non-threatening. And the depiction of hell isn't all fire and brimstone. It's quiet and gray. Honestly, a spider spiting poison on me isn't the worst thing that could happen in hell. I liked this one. Good opening to the anthology. 

4/5 stars. 

The Works of His Hands by Henry Myllyla 

John a carpenter notices goat hooves around his house and he decides to confront it. However, the goat turns out to be a woman-goat hybrid. Succubus? John gets scared and runs to his bedroom where he is shagged by said Succubus. No, we don't get the act in writing...sadly. But we are suddenly tossed to a new point of view a client who'd hired John to make him some drawers is on his way to pick them up. When he arrives John's cabin is dark, there's a dead infant with goat feet, in there and the client finds John wrapped around a tree with an umbilical cord trailing out his ass. Dead AF. The client puts John back in the house with the baby-goat hybrid and sets it on fire before leaving. 

Holy shit, that was good! I wanted a little more detail of what happened with John and the Succubus. Why, yes, I am a sick bastard, thank you for noticing. But really this was a great read! Loved the writing, the story, and the fact that near-zero dialogue was used is amazing. Great follow-up! 

5/5 stars. 

The Goat by Alan Derosby 

Marisa found out that her grandfather passed and left his farm in her name. She's not happy about that, seeing as she hates it. Something happened to her when she was 16 that she didn't care to remember. In the garden there is a Goat, her grandfather had agreed to erect a statue of a goat in honor of a deal that would grant him prosperity. Not only did it take Marisa's mother but then her grandmother, because g'ma tried to tip over the goat and was dragged to hell. Marisa never believed her grandpa's story though. So before she leaves the farm she decides to tip over the goat. 

Wow, Marisa is moronic. She’s told that people who touch this statue end up dead or gone but sure why not just go fuck with it. Even if it isn’t true, I wouldn’t fuck with the thing. I’d just sell the place like she plans and leave. Just like she did before. I do like the devil in this one. He was a simple character but effective. He was described as a goat with human hands that stood on two legs. However, this story is really bland. Very typical with nothing special added. 

2/5 stars. 

Route 666 by A.K. McCarthy

Farmington Turner loves cars. And he plans on killing the Duke who drives a black Dodge Coronet. He starts to race down the Road and fights off other car dudes, killing them off too. Turner is armed to the teeth with things to take out other cars and he's upset that he hasn't seen the Duke yet. Finally, Duke shows up, him and Turner duke it out with MOTHERFUCKN' chainsaws! There's a bunch of blood, guts, and gore during this big action scene but there is a reason I don't watch the Death Race movies. I'm bored. During the fight I think Turner dies and everything restarts. 

So, this has to be the Wrath Circle. The story is solid and action is fun for the most part. It got tedious after a bit but that’s mainly on me. I’m not a big fan of Carmageddon movies so it only makes sense that I wouldn’t care for Carmageddon literature. The grunts and Big Bad are all hammy. Which one would expect from a Roger Corman-esq B-movie on paper. Everything is over the top; the gore, the action, the vehicular combat, the aesthetics. Nothing is really done differently from other movies like it. This story definitely wasn’t for me so…3/5 stars. But I admit that if someone who likes this kind of thing reads the story they would probably give it a 5/5. 

When the Devil Laughs by Brian James Lewis 

We follow a cop (ACAB) Frank Slade, who is called out to a house during the hottest summer he's ever experienced with a complaint about fireworks. He's lured into the house by a sexy lady! Hello Nurse, style. Slade is a dumb fuck. He's trapped and held at gunpoint. They plan on sacrificing him. Here let me hold him and you stab. Everyone here is stupid. The bad guys kill each other which does summon a demon but then the demon pusses out like a bitch because another officer shows up. Da fuq? Eventually, the demon does get Slade, after he's admitted into an asylum. 

This story fucking sucks. Frank was a shit MC and deserved what he got. ACAB. The fact that the worshippers were so stupid was insulting. The demon was lame. Hey, Brian, if I ever meet you Imma slap ya. Good talk buddy. 

1/5 stars. 

The Philosopher's Nightmare by C.C. Parker

I cannot summarize this one there are too many moving and confusing parts to piece together. MC fancies himself a writer and I guess he gets deep into his story because he starts hallucinating, I think? There's a girl that he thinks he kills but doesn't. He fucks a Scorpio. He goes to see his friend Dan a couple times doing gigs in bars. That's it. Nothing happens I guess. 

This story was so confusing and left unfinished. This is the second anthology I’ve read ‘recently’ that has an unfinished story. And it was so tryhard. It tried but failed to be dark, brooding, and just comes off whiney. I hate whiney wannabe edge lords that try too hard. Fuck this MC. Also, what the fuck was his name? Was his name mentioned? I don’t know what ties it into the anthology either. 

2/5 stars. 

Entry by Chisto Healy 

Demonologist Mark Ingram is approached by a demon trying to possess him. But Mark knows how not to let them in, even knows that the demon is in fact a demon because he smells like blood. However, the demon eventually gets entry to Mark because the demon possesses Mark's dog who gets covered in blood long enough that Mark lets the demon in. And bam Mark is possessed. The demon riding Mark is then shown to be giving a lecture and lying about how to keep a demon away. 

Great story. I felt like maybe there were a few inconsistencies but I still really enjoyed it. I don’t think Roxy died so I won’t remove a star. Now that the demons have a famous demonologist under their control it’ll be easier for them. The story points felt thought out everything had its purpose. I guessed that Roxy would be a host at some point. I just wished Mark had thought about that too. Maybe a tattoo for the dog, or a collar, one of the powders could have been introduced to Roxy’s system or fur. Just anything before her going outside. I liked that it was short after that long-ass nonsense before. I’m torn between 4 or 5 stars. I’ll give it 4/5 stars seeing as Mark could have thought of a better way to keep the demon out. 

The Invocation by Leo J. Winters

Reverend Alaric Drake is at the Yarvis family abode to excorsise the goodness out of their daughter Annabelle. You see Annabelle has been holding a bible study because she doesn't want to be a Satanist in a world of Satan followers. She's a good girl and wants to follow God and reign in the light of his holy spirit. See how that shit sounds? Anyway, Rev. Drake does eventually summon a demon into Annie but said demon is cast out by Michael. Michael kills everyone but Annie whom he takes to heaven. 

This one pissed me off. It’s not poorly written, but writing Satanists as over-the-top evil is old-hat and insulting. The ending was kind of cool with Michael killing Chet but that’s because fuck incest. I’m not against writing demons as evil. I’m against writing religions that haven’t mass murdered millions of people as sadistic, heartless, incestuous, and possibly rapists. The descriptions were great. But Leo continued to get his lore wrong and yes, if something creative isn't done then yeah I get pissed off. Leo James, I want to teach you about Christian mythology. First of all! The upside-down cross was to honor Jesus, not to dishonor. Saint Peter had it turned upside down and said it was because he didn’t deserve to be seen in the image of the Lord. Please learn your shit before spewing it. Also, stop writing in such black-and-white pros. Do you even understand that most of the fallen you’re calling upon are angels and most of them are waiting to go back to heaven. Satan is the Lord of the Flame, not Flies!! That’s Beelzebub.

 

1/5 stars

Stonehedge Street Haunt by R. C. Mulhare

Parks and Rec is putting on a haunt and decided to do a theme of a failed exorcism. They hire a young lad Dorian Lang to play the possessed man. And the haunt does really well Dorian is pretty happy with all the turnout. Until one Karen parent decides not to pay attention to the warnings outside the haunt and Dorian accidentally scares a little child. Immediately, he's distraught and apologizes to the kid but is almost violently berated by the parent until the head of PnR shows up to shoo her off. However, Karen isn't done there she goes home and tells her mother about the boy and they start harassing and cursing Dorian at his job. And this gets Dorian possessed. I guess in the end he's exorcised and becomes a monk. 

This is a good story. Enjoyed the characters. Not sure why Dorian’s name got changed, don’t really like that. I like the change of lore and that a mostly unknown demon was picked as the antagonist. There wasn’t really any retribution for the granny nor do we find out who was coming that Azenrael was afraid of. I like that they didn’t blame the haunt or the acting he was doing. But the fact that Dorian is traumatized by the haunt but not the store seems odd. I’d not want to go home at all after that. I was hoping Dorian would go on to become an actor instead of joining a sainthood. It dragged a bit and the demon was kind of weak if every time god’s name was invoked Dorian could come back. 

3/5 stars. 

Saturnine, Saturnine by Henry Myllyla

Another one that was too confusing to make heads or tales of. MC is interviewing the head of Cultus, apparently dying? MC is drugged and starts to see a laughing red goat and a white tree. Jump to another day with MC driving and shooting the head of Cultus. They then explore and find a black room where they meet a goat man. MC is back in car. Then a month 1/2 later MC is dealing with phone calls about her absorbing a baby. 

What the fuck happened? Seriously? I guess the writing was good if a bit pretentious. Just give me some fucking answers. This story really didn't fucking tell me anything. 

1/5 stars. 

Second Glance Girls by J. B. Toner

Elise summons the Holy Mother Mary and they get sexy. Mary is in servitude to Satan. Elise serves under Lilith and they plan on making a new lustful unholy church. Lilith arrives and Mary prostrates herself to her, which yeah, I would too. Lilith promises Elise to take her to meet their lord. They have a threesome!! WHOO! Then they go to hell, where Mary is offered up to Satan and he takes Mary's virginity in front of Elise. She is rewarded with riches and given the position of his new prophetess. Elise is to spread the gospel about Mary bringing a girl into the world and she will tread about the Earth. 

Lesbian story with Lilith. A+ no notes. 5 out of 5 stars. 

Strange Kind of Love by Glen Damien Campbell 

Joseph Armstrong is possessed by Astaroth and Astaroth loves to make Joseph have sex. Joseph is supposed to be seeing a Priest to get exorcised, however, the woman he wakes up with happens to be part of a group of NeoNazis and on their way to the Priest, the gang jumps Joseph and his fling. When Joseph gets lose he decides not to get exorcised and let's Astaroth go ham on the Neo Nazi gange allowing him and his new girl to live happily ever after. 

This story was a MASSIVE fucking brick wall in reading. I just wasn’t that invested in the story and I wasn’t really liking it until Joseph was like yeah Imma keep this demon which was at the very end. It wasn’t badly written; I think I found one glaring grammatical error but the progression was believable. Idk I just hit a slump with this one. Sorry. I definitely think other readers will like it fine. Plus, I don’t want to be too harsh on this story when it really wasn’t bad. I’d definitely read something Glen writes again. 

3/5 stars. 

Cerebral Activity by Nathan Blake 

Dr. Dillon Quartermann is on his way to meet his new patient, Ashley Ash. Ashley wants to volunteer to die in an MRI for the doctor's science experiment to see how a brain dies. Unfortunately, Dr. Quartermann finds out that Ashley had neurosurgery, so is unqualified for the experiment. Dillon's wife is dead, he does have a daughter who is taking med exams. Against his best judgment Dr. Dillon allows Ashley to be part of the experiment and Ashley requests Dillon to look into his eyes while he dies. This action eventually drives Dillon insane from hallucinations caused by a tumor in his brain. And Dillon dies. There's much more to it but my gods there is too much. 

This is kind of a sad story. I’m not sure why Mr. Ash was doing this to Dillon, Death isn’t inherently evil so what was the reason here. Dillon only did what Mr. Ash wanted even if it was for a selfish reason. Was Mr. Ash trying to get Dillon to commit suicide? Is that why the game of chase? Luke probably jumped out the window because he heard his late daughter’s voice. This isn’t confirmed but it makes logical sense with Dillon hearing Sarah and Becka hearing Dillon. So, Luke must have heard his daughter. That’s a pretty good twist once stopped to think about. Maybe Death was upset with them for trying to figure him out. Honestly, someone should have just offered him pizza. The whole thing about neurosurgery ineligibility confused me. Wouldn’t it be just as valid to see how a person with a different brain dies? Plus, Mr. Ash never actually had ‘brain’ surgery. The shrapnel didn’t penetrate through the skull, they plucked out the pieces basically by just opening up the skin at his neck. Whatever. I liked the story, but there was a lot of grammatical issues that bothered me so it wasn’t a 4 star read. Next time author get an editor or at least a proofreader.

3/5 stars.

The Ride Down by Gerald Dean Rice

Roger has a daughter Alyssa and he's a possessive asshole. She's going to a concert with her boyfriend Tyler but Roger doesn't like the idea of Alyssa growing up so he follows them into an abandoned restaurant's parking lot. Alyssa and Tyler sneak into the building with Roger right on their tail. Roger interrupts a "ritual" maybe? I'd call it that but I don't know what it's for. The girl who gets in the car with Roger isn't his daughter, or at least not anymore. She's the Sugarplum Fairy from The Cabin in The Woods. Or close to her: 

She eats him. Good girl. 

I hated this story. Roger was a controlling fuddy-duddy who didn't want his daughter to grow up. Sure he ended up right, but in my notes, I warned the author, "If I ever get a physical copy of this book, and the dad is right for being a control freak, I will record myself ripping out the story and literally send it to the author." So, if you can't tell I fucking hated Roger. Characters were two-dimensional the story was boring and there were moments where the author straight up contradicted themselves a few sentences later. Things happened that didn't make sense. Just not as bad as other incidents of this in this anthology. I understand the story but things happen that don't really need to, they don't help move the story along. There’s no point to it. So fucking stupid. Hardcore pass.

1/5 stars. 

Same Day Delivery by Ricki Whatley 

Neil DeBlasik, the most badass mailman ever, gets fucking railed by a girl named Lily (pretty sure it's Lilith because she works for Satan) before being nearly decapitated and thrown into hell. 

FUCKING BRILLIANT! From beginning to the end this was a big breath of fresh air. I loved the writing and descriptions. It makes me feel like a two-bit piece of shit writer though. It was short, and the pacing was brisk. Even if the sex was fast it was hot…ha! I really hope the rest of the stories are like this. Though Neil was asking for death speaking bad about dogs. 

5/5 stars. 

The Girl Scouts from Hell by Carlton Herzog

Astarte takes over the body of a 14-year-old girl scout, Mary, to wage war against her brother Azazel. Azazel has possessed a 15-year-old girl, Swango, to place a child bride on a throne of power with Lucifer. Lucifer however pulls a deux ex machina, his words not mine, and pulls the plug on the whole competition. Leaving Mary and Swango unpossessed, yet the two girls still go head-to-head without their ride-or-dies. Mary wings by bashing Swango's brains in and is about to get into trouble but Astarte won't let her hardcore girl end up in trouble for the situation and convinces the officers that it was all in self-defense. 

My initial reaction to this story: Oh, hell, Carlton Herzog! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! Which I admit is mean. I don't hate this author. He's good but his stories are lukewarm with me. Sometimes they're good but really freaking long, when they really don't need to be. Or they're short and don't make motivational sense. This was a bit long, but I enjoyed it. The lore is different but in a good way. I like seeing lesser-recognized demons used for stories. Lucifer is right the whole child bride thing was an icky idea. Loved that he was the one to interfere here. Kind of like he did in The Prophecy 1995 movie with Christopher Walken and Viggo Mortensen. Also, this was a reference-dense story. I like using references but this was too much. How I would have written the story was just by having it from the beginning of Mary meeting Astarte and going from there, before revealing she was telling the story to a therapist, whom she bribes to get Mary out of trouble.

Because of the length and meandering 3/5 stars. 

Sinister Hand by Len M. Ruth 

Jordie is abused (emotionally, mentally, and physically) so he decides when given the option by Father Ollie (I called him Ole Scratch a few times) to write down his problems to get a few of his emotions out. Well, lovely Ollie decides to commit murders based on those stories and frame Jordie for them. In the end, the poor child is toted off to a mental clinic. It's called Sinister Hand because Jordie is left-handed and that's what he writes his stories with. His sinister stories. 

Poor Jordie, of course, I feel bad for him. If I was his mother I would have done everything he was accused of doing. Plus, he’s in 5^th grade there is no way he’d be tried as an adult. Right? I knew Ole Scratch was going to do something nasty. Which is sad. The boy didn’t deserve anything bad to happen to him. Even if he did unconsciously do these things himself, it’s an insanity plea. Also, no precinct would allow a grieving father to work on a possible homicide case where his own son was involved. The writing was great and the story was good. 

4/5 stars. 

Charity Begins at Home by Vivian Kasley

The Noblemans have invited people over for Christmas dinner. They treat their guests with care by keeping them warm and feeding them heartily. Then they kill them in a sacrifice to...Santanas? So, Santa? 

The thing is, I did guess what was going to happen, but I came up with several theories before coming to it. Which is great. That’s the idea of taking a familiar idea but keeping the details secret until near the end. I enjoyed the characterizations of the family. While Sage was right, I didn’t like her. Sheryl was a thief. Poor Toby was gay and I feel like Bran was a bit harsher on him which didn’t seem fair. Albert was the only one that passed relatively quietly. I wasn’t sure I liked Brannon that much, I did earlier in the story but he got cruel near the end. Which none of the others did, so I wasn’t sure why that was. This felt like a quick read and I enjoyed the setting. Not everyday people get Christmas Eve via satan worshippers. Though they say Ave Santanas. Does that mean that Satan is Santa and “evil” that’s why he gave them presents? Either way, I enjoyed the story.

4/5 stars.

W.F.F. by Carson Demmans 

Lucifer and Lionel (a freelance journalist) team up to find a person who is claiming that teenagers are hurting little children in the name of Satan. They find out that the therapist who supposedly helped the 12 children, actually did mass hypnosis planting the teenage Satanist story into their brains. The therapist tries to kill Lionel but seeing as Lucifer made a friend and doesn't want him to die, he steps infront of the gun and lets it be emptied into his chest. Lucifer warns Lionel to fix his path so he doesn't end up in hell, not wanting his new friend there to suffer, he then drags the therapist to hell. 

Good story. I’m really happy that for once Lucifer wasn’t the bad guy. People always make these stories about how awful satanism is or how anything besides the Abrahamic religions are evil. So, this really was a breath of fresh air to see Lucifer being portrayed as a caring friend. I like how they helped each other out and that Lucifer could be taken off guard. It’s not often that Satanas is explicitly surprised seeing as he’s been around so long a time. Love it Carson thank you. 

5/5 stars.

Addicted to The Night by Alexander Marais

Not EVEN going to try to summarize the story. This was shit. On every level. Technically, grammatically, plotting, characters, timeline. All shit. There was no rhyme or reason to the cohesiveness of this story. I have a disability in math comprehension and this story felt like I was being taught a new math equation, where my disability and mild dyslexia were dancing Swan Lake EN POINTE! So, basically, nothing made sense. Why is this world this way? What way IS this world? How did this connect to Satan? Was Satan the one in the olive robe? Why was he there? He didn’t help. He didn’t make an impact. What the FUCK is this story?! Nope. I’m done. This story sucks. 0.5 stars out of 5. 

I'm done! I have completed the book and the review. Huzzah! I've been writing this review since 3:45 pm and it is now 9:45 pm. Thank you HellBound Books for providing me a free ebook...nearly a year ago. I'm sorry. Hopefully, I am out of this rut and can continue as a reviewer. 

OH! I almost forgot. I actually got one of my stories accepted by HBB and I've super happy to see when it comes out. Though, I highly suggest not to read it. It sucks! lol. Thanks for putting up with my shite attitude and mild review. 

HERE IS THE MUSIC FOR THIS BOOK: 

Did you like the review? Have you read it? Did you like it? What were your thoughts on the stories? Were there ones that I liked that you didn't or vice versa? Please comment below to let me know and as always constructive criticism is welcome. 

 

Toodles!!

-Bug