Bad Memories of Buzzard Hill: 8 Tales of the Macabre in the Weird West by C.B. Andrews

GREETINGS STACK WORMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's been a while...yeah, it's been a long while. 2 months. Sorry, I know that most don't actually read my reviews but I still feel bad when I'm not updating regularly. I hope, that the people who do read my reviews, will understand when I say these past two months have been the worst. I lost my brother recently even before that my depression had been out of control and finally, I'm getting back to being...my old self at least. 

Now, I've promised a very sweet and understanding person, I'd read their book. So, here it is, a long-time-coming review of C.B. Andrews': 

Alright, some back story first. I read Cory's The Contest in Hellbound Books' Anthology of Splatterpunk and I really liked it. Well, Cory left me a comment saying that it would be in this book with some updates and so I told him I'd be happy to read and review it. I bought the book from Amazon. Then again, that shouldn't matter, because I give an honest review even if the book is given to me for free. HellBound Books knows this to be true. Sometimes I'm brutally honest. However, seeing as I enjoyed this book, I don't think that'll be the case this time. Like most anthologies I do, I'll go story by story. Now, let's get started. 

SPOILERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DUH...

TRIGGER WARNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-Satan Worship (Idc but I know some readers might)

-Blood

-Death/Child Death/Murder

-Gore

-Doves (no not the bird) 

-Animal death (seriously, Cory, give the coyotes a break. Automatically, lose 1 star)

-Sex

-Profanity (I'm sure you know what I'm gonna say)

-Alcohol 

-Smoking/Pot 

-Attempted Rape

-Gambling 

-Western (idk I guess some people could find this as a trigger) (my grandma loved westerns so I enjoy them) (great now I've triggered myself) (moving on)

-Christianity/Catholicism 

-Vampires/Werewolves/Zombies (just covering my bases with this one) 

Greetings: 

This is our wrap-around, sort of. Widower, Elwood Andcor, is waiting for his wife's ashes and to pass the time he starts to write about the memories of an evil place called Buzzard Hill. 

The Contest: 

Lovely, lovely, LOVELY Sadie Hart has decided to take part in a chili cooking contest. She makes a deal with her boss that if she wins the contest, she gets to actually cook at the tavern she works for. A fellow cook, Elwood Andcor, cheers her on. And while Sadie does indeed win it's only second place. Which she is pretty proud of but walks away with a slightly bruised ego. 

Unfortunately, her somewhat bad day is about to get worse. She's kidnapped by the local cannibals and one of them is her boss. Thankfully, she is not kept for long, as Elwood (who used to be Woody) comes to the rescue. Don't count Sadie out of her rescue because she gets a few heads herself. 

After the cannibals are dead and the house is alight, Sadie and Elwood decide to stay in Buzzard Hill and work at the tavern cooking together. The second read-through was just as good as the first. I still want some of Sadie's chili, I'd have to ask her to leave out the onions though. I'm allergic. 

Cult of the White Raven: 

Bart, a detective working on a sting, finds his way into The White Raven Social Club. He's looking for stolen goods and a murderer. Which he finds, but he gets too greedy and is found snooping around by the very murderer he was after. When Bart is captured and taken to the Club's basement he finds a cult performing a ritual...on his pregnant wife, Annalise. For some reason I can't fathom, Bart brought her with him to live in Buzzard Hill, despite the very real danger he was getting himself into. Leave her with a family member while you're away, Bart, come on. 

Annalise is dead, child ripped from her body. The child magically grows about 2 years before being taken away, Bart Jr. And then Bart is killed. I feel like I missed something in this story. The ending felt a tad bit rushed. Also, why does Bart Jr. have blond hair and green eyes? I wanna know more about this kid. I want a story focused on him! 

The Preacher's Ramblings: 

Elwood decides to relax at the Arrowhead Restaurant, where he runs into Reverand Abbot...

Sorry (not sorry), but I had to. 

Anyway, Abbot is talking about seeing green lightning close to a cave by the wagon trail a little bit out of Buzzard Hill. It worries him. He thinks something evil is coming and warns Elwood to be careful, giving him a talisman to keep him safe (doesn't really work). Before leaving he relays to Elwood that in two days he's leaving town and a new Preacher will take his place. So, he had just two days before retiring? hm. 

Elwood lets Sadie know that Rev. is leaving and she decides to cook him some food for the road. However, when they reach the chapel, they're met with a nasty scene of Rev., having been hanged. Sadie doesn't take it too well. Honestly, neither do I. The Rev. seemed like a nice person. Not like most men of the cloth out there, that's for sure. Especially, for that time. 

Elwood is then faced with the new Preacher, Father Morgan Acheron. 

Who should be wearing this as a shirt; apparently, I imagine Morgan as David Bowie. I liked this story more than the one before it. 

Under a Blood Moon: 

Reg Delcole, a bounty hunter, hired by Tom Ramirez has arrived at Buzzard Hill. Sheriff Ramirez gives Reg his permission to hunt down the Butler-Shaw gang with two other men. Twins. That night they find the gang performing some kind of ritual with a cloaked figure and they find themselves in the middle of a pack...of werewolves I mean. 

Reg and the twins take out most of the werewolves, but they also take out the twins. Leaving Reg and the cloaked werewolf left. Well, that cloaked werewolf happened to be Sheriff Ramirez and he strong-arms Reg into being his new deputy, by making him a werewolf too. 

They pick Reg, because he's violent and enjoys killing, even if he claims it's in the name of justice. 

Witch's Brew: 

A drunk gambler named Rory Gwire, owes $5000 to the White Raven and if he doesn't deliver then he has to partake in a duel at HIGH NOON. Rory knows he ain't got the money, nor can he get the money, and he's a terrible shot so figuring he's about to die he decides to take what money he does have to the local brothel. 

Where he meets lovely, Esmerelda. Apparently, Rory is such a good lover, that the old bruja decides to help him out. As long as Rory doesn't go back to his vices, he'll continue to live, and live he does. The bullet doesn't even come close to touching Rory and when he shoots it hits his opponent immediately killing him. 

Knowing he's in trouble with the White Raven he decides to get the hell out of...well hell. He starts a new life in another town and works really hard not to gamble or drink. After a few months though, he decides that a few drinks and gentlemen's game of cards wouldn't hurt. Now, he doesn't drink that much, and the game with the men he's with is harmless but he broke his contract with Esmerelda so Rory's ex-wife finds and kills him. 

Ancient Soil: 

So...this one is uncomfortable. Let's get it over with. 3 'friends' decided to become graverobbers and end up robbing the wrong grave, an 'Indian' grave that is. Well, they wake up a skeleton of a chief, I think, and wind up dead. 

This isn't a bad story nor is it poorly written, but there is an attempted rape scene and while the skeleton gets revenge for the young lady, I'd rather just move on. One of the reasons I won't watch 'I Spit On Your Grave'. 

After Dusk at Otto's:

Remember that gang of werewolves? Well, they're back...as vampires...? Um, sure. Anyway, they decide they're going to take over one of the many taverns. They pick one that's remote; Otto's Cafe. A cafe that is only open at night, with dim lighting, and curtains that are drawn closed. So, what's Otto's full name? Otto Strigoi??

Ok, vampire Otto Vampire. Now, I know that strigoi doesn't only mean vampire, but with the hints the cafe gives alone, plus the pointy ears? It's a bit heavy-handed to tell us, Otto's a vampire with a vampire cafe. 

This is where we meet the vampire hunter, Armando O'Brien. He's one of the patrons of this fine establishment and he helps the two vamp gangs kill each other. With our dear Father Morgan watching. 

The First Ghost Town: 

Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. ABSOLUTELY NOT! Denied. Not canon. Nerp. No. Shakes Head. 

How do I start this? The chapter is so long. Elwood catches Father Morgan killing Army men and spreading some kind of liquid at the chapel's graveyard. Later we find out that this makes the dead come back to life. Well, during the zombie apocalypse, Elwood meets Armando. They decide that the White Raven and Father Morgan need to be taken out. 

Sadie goes with and...*inhales in outrage* is taken out by a zombie horse. 

YOU KILLED MY SADIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Armando and Elwood kill the White Raven bastards, except for Bart Jr., who gets away. They part ways and Elwood moves back to Pennsylvania...and MARRIES!!??

HOW COULD YOU, ELWOOD?! Dead! You're dead to me! 

*takes deep breaths* Alright, I'm okay. I'm cool. I'm fine. *exhales* 

Farewell: 

Elwood sees that his wife's ashes have arrived, being delivered by Bart Jr. and some lackeys. He's happy that he kept some silver bullets. 

LIKES:

-Good writing

-Enjoyable stories (for the most part) 

-GREAT GORE!

-Some really good characters

-The book was a quick read

-I still want Sadie to cook me something 

DISLIKES:

-YOU KILLED MY SADIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-You had Elwood mary after Sadie died!? 

-The last chapter could cut out a few things to make things go a little faster, like all the times they light up a cig. I don't mind that there is smoking but it was just so disruptive of the action that it irritated me 

-Leave the coyotes alone

-Why, is the fat one always the butt of a joke? Or made to be worse than the other criminals around them? I feel like this is unconscious fat shaming. Which makes me feel like a piece of shit. 

-Father Morgan went down like a bitch. 

Despite all my rage, this was a good book. The writing was solid. Yes, this isn't a perfect story by any means but very enjoyable. If you're a gorehound you'll get a kick outta it. Though, I think the book would have faired better in my eyes if told strictly by Elwood, Sadie, or Armando. Mainly, because I kept asking myself, how does Elwood know about the part he wasn't there for? Some of the stories there'd be no way for Elwood to hear them. Also, a couple of stories and aspects don't add up or don't seem to tie in. 

Have you read the book? What did you think? Would you agree or disagree with me? Would you pick up the book? Did you like the review? Is there anything I can do to make it better? Or is there anything you'd like to see me doing in the next review? Remember I always encourage constructive criticism. Thank you for reading!! Toodles, luvs! 

- Bug

Here is the song for this review: