And Then You Die by James H. Longmore

GREETINGS STACK WORMS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today I am reviewing:

EWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEW!!!!!!!!

#NOPE

I think this is the first book where I can't actually give it an honest rating. Mainly, because I can't really rate it. I know on GoodReads and Amazon I put three stars but that's because they're required for a review. I put three since it's a middle-of-the-road rating. But really you'll have to decide for yourself if you want to read it. It's not a book I can recommend because of the subject matter. However, I can recommend it because it's a unique enough story that's very well written. There are aspects that I like but the subject is shit...no, I mean literally, it's shit. This book is about shit-poop-excrement-feces-pooh-stools-dookie-dung-excreta-scat-ordure-guano-manure mixed with sex. Do you get it yet? This is a scatological book!! Among other things that will churn your stomach or arouse you, if that's what you're into. No, judgments. Just be safe about it, m'kay? And while I'm not judging the fact that this is about scat-play, it's certainly not my kink. 

Like I definitely would not want to fuck this thing: 

Me thinks that Mr. Longmore was watching this scene in Dogma, whilst gettin' jiggy wit' it. 

And no, I'm not some faint-hearted welp that can't handle gore or viscera or the smell of rotting flesh. I've skinned a deer or two in my time (...among other things...no I will not tell you what those other things were). My girlfriend and I are into some pretty weird shit, okay? I literally watch pimple-popping vids while eating, not that it's sexually arousing to me though, but I think you get what I mean. It takes a lot to make me gag and there was not a fucking page in this book where I wasn't doing just that. 

Let's get on with it, shall we? I received a free copy from the lovely publishing company HellBound Books, for an honest review. While I'm failing them in that aspect, I do want to thank them and tell them that I appreciate their patience for another long wait as I read this book. Seriously, it was a struggle to finish. I tell ya. I started it several times and just stopped because I couldn't handle it that day. Sorry. 😓

That's enough of a preamble I think. 

SPOILERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Duh...

TRIGGER WARNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-NSFW

-Scat-play

-Lots of Poop

-Did I mention shit? 

-Emetophilia 

-Sex

-Death

-Murder 

-Cops (that's right I'm putting cops as triggers now, deal with it)

-Profanity (why are you even here?!)

-I don't remember any animal death but Claire never did get that cat

-Bloodletting (ooo fun)

-BDSM

-You might vomit so keep a bucket nearby

-If this was a movie Nyx Fears would have put it on her Disturbing/NSFL Movie ICEBERG list, probably near the bottom. 

-Demons

-Rules without explanation 

-Possible/Implied baby rape 

-Seriously, there's just so much going on that I can't think of all the triggers just take this as a warning okay? 

Claire Jepson, a beautiful CEO of a technology company, has a wild night in New Orleans with hot anal sex. Said anal creates a fecal spirit that coerces her into allowing it to eat people so it can become more human. He saves her from a plot that her board put together to kidnap and ransom her off, he also eats her fiance and his wife (ex-wife?), and then eats the detective that was going to pin all the deaths on her. 

They get married, he has someone put a baby in her, and she loses her business due to scandal after her board members disappear. 

1 year later:

Now they're living in a trailer and the fecal spirit, Richard, treats her like shit. He uses her to lure people so he can feed. One night at a new scat club they go to one of his victims tells Claire what Richard is and that she should check the deep web about his kind. He warns her not to but she does so anyway. She finds that her husband is setting her up to be absorbed after her baby is born and after the baby itself is absorbed. 

She makes a mad dash to New Orleans to find the guy who gave her Richard and begs him to let her kill him. Apparently, she has to ask the father of the fecal spirit to kill them before doing so, and they have to be in his presence. Richard's father (?) easily agrees to let Claire end Richard with Imodium. 

Beaten and bruised Claire makes it out and has a baby girl. But what's this her poop is talking?! 

LIKES:

-Great Gore & Writing

-The descriptions are fantastic (possibly to its detriment) 

-The story was relatively unique and interesting

DISLIKES:

-The ending confused the ever-living fuck out of me 

-why are there rules? why weren't we given more information about these fecal 'spirits'? Richard's father says that he's the worst creation he's ever made. Does that mean Richard had a chance at being immortal before? How did he not live? What the hells going on?!

-Why does the baby's poop talk?! Did Richard do something to her while she was still in Claire's stomach? DID RICHARD RAPE A BABY? I wouldn't put it past him, but WTF?!

-Why Russel Brand? Why not Ricky Gervais he's an asshole too, you know. 

-Scat & Emetophilia (these are just not my thing)

-If Richard had just kept treating Claire right, I think he would have had her and her baby in the bag. I hate stupid villains.

-Ethan was killed off and he deserved so much better 

So, that's that. I think I went over my thoughts above, but I'll say a few things down here. I'm sort of interested to see what happens to Claire's babies. Also, more lore on the fecal spirits. After one dies can it be reborn? How are they created? What was the well of shit? Why doesn't it actually do anything? Are they all evil or are they just living by their survival instinct? Why did the High Priest pick Claire? Are there more High Priests? How many more fecal spirits are out there in this world? Things like that. 

Again, thank you HellBound Books for the...interesting and wild read. 

Do I recommend this? No. Do I not recommend this? No. 

Read at your own risk. I will not be held responsible for your decisions. 

Here is this review's song: 

Why this song? Because puns...

Have you read the book? What did you think? Would you agree or disagree with me? Did you like the review? Is there anything I can do to make it better? Or is there anything you'd like to see me doing in the next review? Remember I always encourage constructive criticism. Thank you for reading!! Toodles, luvs! 

-Bug