The Amityville Murder House by Andy Rausch

 GREETINGS STACK WORMS!!!!!!!!!!!

Whew, boy! I'm going to be in trouble for this one. 

First I want to say Thank You to HellBound Books for the free ebook to review. I always appreciate it when HBB reaches out to me to review one of their books. Sure not all are winners, but I'm still grateful for the opportunity. Again, Thank you!! 

Unfortunatley... I really fucking HATED this book! It pissed me right the fuck off! I know that on Goodreads the book has great ratings and the author is highly rated themselves, which is why I hesitated about my feelings on this one. I thought maybe I was missing something, but then I hit the second part of the book and saw promise. Which was dashed by the ending. *sigh* 

When I started this blog I promised that I'd give my honest opinion no matter how harsh that might be. So, I'm sticking to my guns on this one. Sorry, HBB. Love you! 

Alright, let's get into it. This is my review of The Amityville Murder House by Andy Rausch. 

SPOILERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Duh.....

TRIGGER WARNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-Fake animal Death (off-page but still there) 

-Fake baby death 

-Sexism 

-Blood 

-Nudity

-Fake Sex w/ a Ghost (honestly was the best scene) (don't @ me)

-Profanity (again if this bothers you then why do you read me?)

-Suicide 

-Douchebag boyfriend

-immature main character 

-racism (not much) 

-It was all a dream trope 

Jen Dodd is married to a manbaby, Josh Dodd. Who decides that he is going to New York to check out the Amityville Horror House and the Amityville Murder House. Yes, apparently, there are two haunted houses in Amityville. But one is more infamous because there was a Doctor Comstock that tortured and murdered more than 16 people in his basement. When Josh finds out that it's up for sale he buys it without discussing it with Jen at all. Then when Jen gets angry about moving them across the country Josh gets all defensive and claims that he can do what he wants with his money. However, she goes along with moving, trying to convince herself that she loves Josh. Even though she doesn't she loves her deceased husband Kendall, who actually shows up as a ghost in the Murder House. Le gasp! In fact, she has sex with him! That's right there is ghost sex! They went Doctor Crusher on us! Of course, this is before Kendall leads her to fall down the stairs killing her unborn child. 

Yet, she continues to believe Kendall when he tells her if she kills Josh then all the ghost voices she's been dealing with will go away. Well, that's obviously a lie because when she does kill Josh, by accident, they tell her to tear down the walled-up doorway to the basement where the Doc had killed his victims. Once that is done they convince her to kill herself...

...And she wakes up to her deceased husband not being deceased at all. In fact he tells her she's just been dreaming. However, this isn't correct either because really, she dying from an overdose in her mother's bathroom before Kendall's funeral...IT WAS ALL A FUCKING DREAM!!!!!!!

LIKES: 

-Short Chapters...mostly 

-Well written 

-Most of the second part

DISLIKES:

-IT WAS ALL A FUCKING DREAM!!!!!! Sure a dream that her dying mind conjured but still a fucking dream. This trope sucks and no one likes it! This just means you took us on a ride with terrible two-dimensional characters with no fucking payoff! What a waste of fucking time! 

-I spent the first half of the book in agony having to read Jen go back and forth from loving to hating Josh. When really he was just a creep and she should have left his ass

-Jen was immature to the point of annoyance. I don't expect perfect characters by any means, but by gods there is only so much whining I can take. 

-I know that some of the reviews say she's codependent but that never changes. I don't feel like there is an arch for either Jen or Josh. 

-I mainly like the second half because we finally get some creepiness in the story, but even then it's really mostly cliches we've seen in other horror media. Not done in unique ways either (personal opinion).

-I hate the fact that my favorite part is Jen getting jiggy with her dead husband's ghost. WTF does that say about the story? Shit, wtf does that say about me? 

-Josh. Oh this fucking dude. I'm sure we were supposed to hate him. He legit says that God made rules that men would hold dominion over their women. And that he's allowed to make decisions without her input because he's the man of the house and a woman should have a say about a man's money. Especially, not the money that his Daddy gave him. Oh, yeah, he calls his father Daddy like a spoiled ass child. States that Jen having a job as a librarian is a shit job. Even though Jen isn't a librarian because you have to get a Masters's degree to be a librarian, she just works at a library. She dropped out of college to get married. Because that's all she ever wanted was to get married and have a baby.

-Was the author trying to make female readers feel guilty about not wanting kids? I don't know if that was their intent but it sure felt like it. Jen kept implying that it's selfish to not want kids. Hi, I'm a female that doesn't want kids. Why? Because I have mental health issues I'd rather not pass on. I don't want my kid to grow up in such a hate-filled world. Many other reasons. And that's not selfish. Though if you want kids I don't see that as selfish either. I just hope you're a good parent. One that is willing to guide the child into being their best self, that practices unconditional love, even if that means the child doesn't turn out how you want. Ok, I'm not going to preach.

-When you have me agreeing with a mother character you've done goofed

Look if you like/love this book, that's fucking fantastic! I want more indie authors to be recognized and praised for their writing. I just did not care for this one. If you talked to my girlfriend she would tell you about the rants I went on about this book. And I'm definitely not saying that male authors can't write good female characters I've seen it done. Jen was not well done. I'm supposed to care about the characters by the time bad shit happens and I did not. I was begging for Josh's death before page 100. As a writer myself there were many ways I'd rather have had the story go. Or would have taken it. I definitely wouldn't have fucking ended it with "It Was All Just A Dream"! Ugh! 

I'm gonna end it there. I'm just repeating myself now. Have you read the book? What did you think? Would you agree or disagree with me? Would you pick up the book? Did you like the review? Is there anything I can do to make it better? Or is there anything you'd like to see me doing in the next review? Remember I always encourage constructive criticism. Thank you for reading!! Toodles, luvs! 

Oh, here's the song. Waste of Time by Snow Tha Product

 - Bug 

P.S. 

Again a huge thank you to HellBound Books for still working with and putting up with my ass. 💙💙💙