Surrogate for a Werewolf by Jennifer Lynne

 WELCOME STACK WORMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I should have known that this read was gonna be cursed...

PHEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So, this book...this book...is so bad. I gave it a 1 star on Amazon and Goodreads. Let's not waste any more time, I want to be done thinking about it. 

Surrogate for a Werewolf by Jennifer Lynne was gifted to me for an honest review by HellBoundBooks. It took me over a month to read and has left me in a reading slump. My cure is re-reading a favorite book. Then I'll move on to new reads. 

THERE BE SPOILERS AHEAD...DUH!!

TRIGGER WARNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- Graphic Sex

- Graphic Language 

- Death

- Blood/Gore

- Beastiality? - Gotta debate this

- LGBTQ+ 

- Not sure should orgies be their own TW? 

- Kidnapping

- Assault 

PLOT:

The story is about Alyssa, a 22-year-old virgin. Her pussy has been denied the savory thrust of a turgid cock ramming her because her ex-boyfriend was "religious". HA! As in he was banging the local Pastor's daughter. So, she decides that she has to have dick right away and signs up to be a rich guy's surrogate...I'm not sure how that was supposed to work, but moving on! This so-called rich guy is Brett Wolfram...subtle book...real subtle, and he sure is the richest man in the world. And he wants to actually fuck. Not just inseminate her. During their night of passionate fornication, Brett's brother, Sal kidnaps Alyssa. After he beats his brother within an inch of his life. In the process of said kidnapping, Sal does assault Alyssa. NOT that, that matters. She just wants to fuck the nearest thing (no, I'm not kidding, she wants to fuck EVERYONE). And of course, they're all hot AF. There is a side plot where other werewolves are wanting to take over Brett's business (don't ask I don't know) but it is very much the side plot. The Plot is just sex and how to get it. The side-side plot is the reason Sal kidnapped Alyssa. About 200 years before Alyssa, he was in love with a woman named Anichka, who was Brett's lover and when they fought over who the father of Anichka's child was, she threw herself from a window committing suicide. That seems...extreme. So, Sal took Alyssa for revenge. If I was this lady I'd be pissed. But she's not, she fucks Sal. Finds out she's pregnant a bit later on and is now not sure who her child's father is. Not that it matters, Brett is killed when trying to protect Alyssa from being murdered by the boys trying to steal his company and Alyssa stays with Sal. With many many orgies to come in the future. ba dum-tss 

THE GOOD:

Werewolves and some of the sex did sound interesting. Also, it was LGBTQ and sort of poly-friendly. One of the side stories is kind of interesting. The other I don't feel is handled well. 

THE BAD:

Alyssa is obnoxious! Sex is never NOT on her mind. I mean this literally, it is on every page multiple times a page. The first time we meet her, she's in the doctor's office wanting to jump her Doctor. Which would defeat the purpose of being someone's surrogate. At least, until the baby is born and can be tested. She'd already signed a contract at this point so...yeah, not smart. Then she masturbates in the office when someone can burst in at any minute. Which happens. But Brett is like this is the woman for me. So, I guess it worked in her favor. 

It doesn't make sense. Alyssa wants to have sex but she replies to a surrogate ad, thinking that it'll just be insemination. I'm not sure how that was supposed to get her fucked. But then again, this lady doesn't seem that smart. 

There apparently hasn't been a naturally born werewolf baby in over 200 years. Why? These werewolves are fucking 24/7! How have there not been babies? Alyssa gets pregnant rather fast, so I call bs. 

Alyssa is okay with being assaulted and kidnapped. Of course, fucks her capture. Because why not. Seriously, sex is amazing (IMO) but there is a time and place, that is never with your capture who has assaulted you. Now, Sal, didn't rape Alyssa. He didn't need to, but punching (or werewolf slapping a bitch) someone out is still very much assault. If Alyssa hadn't been turned at this point I would have been worried about her health. Okay, not really. There were points where I just wanted her to keel over. Also, she's okay with being Sal's revenge fuck...That's three strikes. 

The TONE! The tone of the book...is nonexistent? That or all over the place. Example: First chapter Brett is fucking Anichka. Sal walks into the room in a huff to disrupt the session. Brett and Sal fight over Anichka and in some logic that I don't understand, she decides to commit suicide for her and her baby. This is where the chapter ends and goes straight into Alyssa's internal monologue of wanting to fuck the doctor on his desk. This took me a bit to get over. The jump kind of flavored the entire book for me. Suicide is not to be followed up with a horny virgin simping for her doctor. Come on. 

Also, Brett dies for some reason. This would have been a pretty okay poly ship, but no. Even though Sal and Alyssa are in an open relationship it seems like. And at one point Alyssa is masturbating in the hall at Brett's mansion watching an orgy that one she was not invited to and two wasn't allowed into. Orgies, that I know of, are very invitation-based. If you're not invited and SOMEHOW come across one, you do NOT stop and join in, even if you're just doing it in the hall and the orgy doesn't know you're there. Because that's being a creeper. Peeping Tom.

THE UGLY: 

The grammar is poor. Characters are very one-dimensional. Emotions are surface-level at best. The part I picked this read for (the sex) wasn't even that good. That's right I picked this book knowing that it was supposed to be triple X porn and that's what I wanted. A GOOD triple x porn book. Not what I got. I've read plenty of these kinds of books, so yeah my issues aren't because I'm a prude, this just wasn't good. This could have been a decent werewolf porn book. Really I'm not as picky as I sound sometimes. I just want my books to be entertaining in some way. 

Would I recommend this book? No. But if you want to read it go ahead. I will do my best to not tell you what to read. We all have different tastes, this may be someone's favorite book and that's great. This just did nothing for me. Which I'm sad about...mainly because it was kind of expensive. Yeah, I bought it even though it was given to me for free. I wasn't having success downloading the book from the link the publishers sent. Not their fault. I am not tech-savvy. 

Now, I'm gonna go read Into the Land of the Unicorns for the millionth time to get my ass out of this slump. Toodles! 

- Bug